Finding Community After Leaving
Building New Connections and Finding a Church Home
One of the hardest parts of leaving the LDS church isn't the theological shift; it's the social earthquake. The ward wasn't just where you worshipped; it was your entire community. Your friends, your support network, the people who brought meals when you were sick, the families your kids played with. When you leave, that world often disappears overnight.
You're not just losing a church. You're losing a village.
This article is about rebuilding: finding genuine community, navigating the search for a new church home, and creating meaningful connections outside the LDS bubble.
The Grief Is Real
Before we talk about moving forward, let's acknowledge the loss. Leaving the LDS church often means:
- Lost friendships: People you thought were close friends may distance themselves or cut contact entirely
- Family strain: Relationships with believing family members become complicated
- Social isolation: Your entire social calendar was church-centered; now it's empty
- Identity confusion: So much of who you were was tied to your ward role
This is grief. Real, legitimate grief. Don't rush past it. Don't let anyone tell you to "just get over it." Healing takes time.
Why Community Matters
Humans are wired for connection. The Bible affirms this from the very beginning:
"It is not good for the man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18)
And the early church modeled deep community:
"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer... All the believers were together and had everything in common." (Acts 2:42, 44)
You weren't designed to walk this journey alone. Finding community isn't optional; it's essential for your spiritual and emotional health.
Finding a New Church Home
What to Look For
Not all churches are the same. Here's what to consider:
| Factor | Questions to Ask |
|---|---|
| Doctrine | Do they teach salvation by grace through faith? Do they hold to the Trinity? Is the Bible their authority? |
| Community | Are people genuinely welcoming? Do they have small groups or ways to connect beyond Sunday? |
| Teaching | Is the preaching biblical, practical, and intellectually honest? |
| Culture | Do they welcome questions and doubts? Is there room for people in process? |
| Size | Would you thrive in a large church with programs, or a smaller church where everyone knows your name? |
Types of Churches to Explore
Biblical Christianity includes many denominations. Here's a brief overview:
Evangelical/Non-Denominational: Focus on personal relationship with Jesus, Bible teaching, contemporary worship. Wide variety in style and size.
Baptist: Emphasis on believer's baptism, congregational governance, strong Bible teaching. Ranges from traditional to contemporary.
Presbyterian/Reformed: Emphasis on God's sovereignty, thoughtful theology, liturgical elements. Often intellectually rigorous.
Methodist: Emphasis on grace, social justice, and personal holiness. Blend of traditional and contemporary.
Anglican/Episcopal: Liturgical worship, rich tradition, sacramental focus. More formal structure.
Lutheran: Emphasis on grace, Word and Sacrament, confessional tradition. Ranges from traditional to contemporary.
There's no "right" denomination. What matters is finding a church that teaches biblical truth and where you can grow and connect.
How to Visit
- Check the website first: Look at their statement of faith, watch a sermon online, get a feel for their style
- Visit on a normal Sunday: Not Easter or Christmas; see what a typical week looks like
- Don't judge by one visit: Give it 2-3 visits before deciding
- Talk to people: Introduce yourself; see how welcoming they are
- Ask about small groups: Sunday services alone won't build community; you need smaller settings
- Meet with a pastor: Share your story; see how they respond to someone coming from an LDS background
Give It Time
Finding a church home takes time. You might visit 5, 10, or more churches before finding the right fit. That's okay. Don't settle, but also don't expect perfection. Every church has flaws because every church is full of imperfect people.
Building Friendships Outside Church
Church is important, but it shouldn't be your only source of community. Here are other ways to build connections:
Join Groups Based on Interests
- Book clubs
- Hiking or running groups
- Hobby classes (art, cooking, photography)
- Volunteer organizations
- Sports leagues
- Neighborhood associations
Connect with Other Ex-Mormons
There are communities specifically for people who've left the LDS church:
- Online forums and Facebook groups: Search for "post-Mormon" or "ex-Mormon" communities
- Local meetup groups: Many cities have in-person gatherings for former LDS members
- Transitioning faith communities: Some churches specifically welcome those in faith transition
Be cautious: some ex-Mormon spaces are hostile to any form of Christianity. Look for groups that are supportive without being toxic.
Invest in Existing Relationships
You may have non-LDS friends, neighbors, or coworkers you've never deeply connected with because your social life was so church-centered. Now's the time to invest in those relationships.
Be Patient with Yourself
Making friends as an adult is hard. It takes time, repeated interactions, and vulnerability. Don't expect instant deep friendships. Show up consistently, be genuinely interested in others, and let relationships develop naturally.
Navigating the Awkward Phase
When People Ask About Church
You'll inevitably face questions: "What ward are you in?" or "I haven't seen you at church lately."
You don't owe anyone a detailed explanation. Some options:
- Brief and honest: "We're exploring other faith communities right now."
- Redirecting: "We're in a season of transition. How are things with you?"
- Boundary-setting: "I'd rather not discuss that right now, but thanks for asking."
When You Feel Like an Outsider
Visiting new churches can feel awkward. You don't know the songs, the rituals, or the unwritten rules. You might feel like everyone else belongs and you're the outsider.
This is normal. Every new person feels this way. Give yourself grace. It takes time to feel at home anywhere new.
When You Miss the Old Community
There will be moments (a funeral, a crisis, a celebration) when you miss the automatic support system of the ward. That's okay. You can grieve what you've lost while still moving forward.
Practical Tips for Building Community
- Say yes to invitations: Even when you don't feel like it, show up
- Be the initiator: Don't wait for others to reach out; invite people to coffee, dinner, or activities
- Join a small group: Most churches have Bible studies, life groups, or community groups; this is where real connection happens
- Serve somewhere: Volunteering creates natural opportunities for relationship
- Be vulnerable: Share your story when appropriate; authenticity builds connection
- Lower your expectations: Not every interaction will lead to deep friendship; that's normal
- Give it a year: Building genuine community takes time; don't give up after a few months
A Word of Hope
The community you build after leaving may look different from what you had before, but it can be just as real, just as supportive, and in many ways, more authentic.
In the LDS church, relationships often came with conditions: attend, believe, conform. The friendships you build now can be based on genuine connection, not institutional obligation.
It won't happen overnight. There will be lonely seasons. But on the other side is a community that loves you for who you are, not for what you do or believe.
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
You don't have to walk this road alone.
We're Here for You
If you're struggling to find community or want to connect with others who understand your journey, we'd love to help. Use the "Talk to Someone" button below to reach out.
All Scripture quotations are from the New International Version (NIV) unless otherwise noted.